Ten minutes to write. Less time to read.

One casualty of the Wild Game Dinner was the sleeve of my light blue spring jacket that went home with bright yellow mustard stains.

Anyone who does laundry knows mustard is one of the more difficult condiments to get off clothing. First it kerplops only on clothing you really like. And you’re usually at some event where taking off the garment and heading to a washing machine is not possible.

The internet isn’t overstating anything when it says, “Mustard, as most things in the real world, has complicated chemistry,” which also contributes to its being difficult to remove. The internet also has a ton of suggestions for removing mustard, but time is of the essence in all of them.

In my humble experience, which includes not only the light blue spring jacket but a brand new white shirt and a favorite pair of jeans, what not to do is just as important. The first reaction is to grab a napkin or tissue and wipe off the excess mustard. Doing this just seems to imbed the stain into the clothing. Don’t dip a paper napkin in your water glass and dab the mustard either. And don’t panic.

When you get to a washing machine, squirt the offending mustard with a really viscous cleaning agent: Spray n Wash, Dawn, Percil. Then let it rest for about ten minutes before gently – and I mean really gently – rubbing the soap into the garment. Then put it in the washing machine on a brief cycle. This allows you to see what progress you’ve made. If there is still mustard, repeat. If there is no mustard, either rewash or put your garment in the dryer.

That is how it’s best to “cut the mustard.”