Whenever I’m leaving to go somewhere Earl always says, “Drive safe.”
Besides the fact that this suggests I’m inclined to drive some other way than safe, it’s also grammatically incorrect. This morning I mentioned this. Having been in love with correct grammar and the reasons behind it since I first learned what nouns were, whenever I hear something wrong it’s like the proverbial chalk/blackboard relationship.
When I told Earl the proper phrase is “Drive safely,” he seemed appreciative. He’s always trying to do things well. But I made the mistake of explaining why it’s ‘safely’ and not ‘safe.’ He would have probably taken it on faith.
“’Safe’ is an adjective, and adjectives modify nouns,” I said, reaching autopilot immediately. “’Drive’ is not a noun; it a verb. The words that modify verbs are adverbs. And ‘safely’ is the adverb you want.”
His eyes glazed. His forehead wrinkled. “You might as well speak Portuguese, as to explain grammar,” he said. “The only things I know about are nouns. They name a person, place, or thing.”
I don’t mean to show off; it’s just happens. “Yes,” I countered, “But do you know the difference between common nouns and proper nouns?”
He got that glazed look again, and I knew I’d gone too far. I headed for the garage, and he didn’t even bother to tell me how I should drive.
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