Ten minutes to write. Less time to read.

I once had an all-black sweatshirt that had the following saying scripted in white across its front: “What if the hokey-pokey really is what it’s all about?”

Whenever I wore that sweatshirt in public, it elicited stares first and then reactions ranging from mere smiles to outright laughter. It was a definite conversation piece.

I purchased the sweatshirt from a catalog; and, to this day, whenever I scan the pages of the myriad catalogs that regularly knock on our door, I look for clever sayings that hope to gain acceptance on the front of people’s chests. Here is a sampling of the pithy and not-so-pithy observations from one recent catalog alone:

I’m only wearing black until they make something darker. Talk nerdy to me. Is one Nobel Prize so much to ask from a child after all I’ve done? Chick with attitude. Chick with brains. Always be nice to the lunch lady. Who is John Galt? (You understand this one only if you remember Ayn Rand’s novel Atlas Shrugged.) I wandered off from the tour. So many books, so little time. Left wing nut. Right wing nut. Celebrate life with Ketchup! My pets are not my children; at least that’s what their piano teacher says.

It seems there is a sweatshirt for every persuasion, so what does this say about life in general? Maybe it is this:

People who wear messages on the front of their sweats make a statement about their convictions. Take “Right wing nut” or “Left wing nut”, for example. In either case, the graphic design displays a regular nut and bolt heat-transferred to the left side of the shirt, similar to the Ralph Lauren polo horse. The design itself is very tasteful; but the wearer, who may or may not be as tasteful, has publicly acknowledged where he or she stands.“Celebrate life with Ketchup” does the same thing, only it’s not about politics.

To understand the world according to sweatshirts, it’s necessary to accept the literalness of the words the person wears. There may be some subliminal message. But it’s best to start with a literal interpretation and go from there. And, if everybody wore sweatshirts that announced their most important issue, what an attempt at a more honest world it would be.