Ten minutes to write. Less time to read.

I am frequently bombarded with offers from various corners of the world all trying to make me think they’re giving me something for free. My current favorite is the invitation for a free credit report which can be obtained online, provided I sign up for eleven more monthly reports for a fee. I suppose you could say that the first one is free, but I don’t see it that way. The first one is free, only if you spend a bunch of dollars on the rest. I think it’s called a loss leader at the supermarket.

Then there’s “Buy one, get one free.” I suppose you could say you’re getting the second one of whatever it is without paying for it, but you have to pay for the first one to be eligible. And, if you like the shampoo or lettuce or whatever product it is, it can be a good deal. But let’s not confuse it with free. Actually, it’s getting both items for half price.

What about “Sign up for a free vacation in Hot Springs, Arkansas”? While the vacation itself might be free in terms of transportation and lodging, it’s hardly free if you must listen to a high-pressure salesperson extolling the virtues of purchasing land in Hot Springs. My mother once succumbed to this one and ended up purchasing a lot worth thousands of dollars in mortgage payments. Hardly free in my book. Rather, the teaser should read “Sign up for a free vacation in Hot Springs, Arkansas, which could encumber you for the next thirty years.” Or, fifteen, if you structure your mortgage that way.

Car dealers offer free prizes in the form of cars for filling out questionnaires or visiting car shows and putting one’s personal information on a ballot. I don’t know the statistics, but I wonder if a person who doesn’t purchase a car has the same chance of winning as someone who does.

To me, free means with no cost or other string attached. Yet today, free is bandied about so readily that I wonder if the definition has changed while I am still operating under the old one. Maybe the new definition is “a word that makes the recipient think he or she is getting something without a catch when there really is one. A sleight of hand.” If so, then we’d all better beware!