Ten minutes to write. Less time to read.

I have an aversion to cellphones; and maybe it’s hereditary because both my sons seem to have the same affliction. We prefer to sit and concentrate when we’re talking on the phone. We prefer not to ruin a stroll in the park with a technological interruption. Mostly, we prefer not to be available 24/7.

Earl, on the other hand, wants instant communication. To this end, he purchased a cellphone for me a couple years ago and has been willing ever since to pay the monthly fee. He wants to talk with me when he wants to talk with me, and it frustrates him that I don’t even turn the gadget on.

“Maybe I would be more inclined if the cellphone were cute,” I told Earl a couple weeks ago. This was after I’d reviewed our monthly bill, which noted that I had used only five of my 400 monthly minutes during the last billing period while Earl had gone over his allotted amount. So last week I called the local cell phone company and rearranged our “packages,” as they’re called. Added more minutes to Earl’s and changed some features on mine, which meant we were allowed to buy new cellphones at a discount. I really didn’t need one, but the thought of “cute” spurred me on. Earl was open to the idea too, in the hope I would actually join the twenty-first century.

The two of us went to our local cellphone store and picked out flip-phone versions of what we already had. In less time than it takes to have your car washed, we left the store armed with new phones and instruction books. I’m still wading through mine.

So far, I’ve found a ring tone that I like; I’ve cancelled text messaging; and I’m still trying to initiate my voicemail message. I’ve also signed up for the National Do Not Call Registry, as it turns out our cellphone company sells our numbers to marketing shills and then we get charged for their calls. This isn’t cute.

It remains to be seen if I’ll become a true subscriber or simply one who drags a cellphone along in case of an emergency. What I’ve learned so far, however, is that a “cute”cellphone doesn’t really cut it for me anymore than an ugly cellphone did. Which means what should happen is that Earl adjusts his expectations of me. Because, maybe they’re not cute either.