?`s and ANNEswers

Ten minutes to write. Less time to read.

Showing My Age

Posted on October 26, 2011

I’ve always thought that something worth attaining required some work. College degrees are built on this premise; so are promotions in a company.

But evidently today’s world is different. Case in point: A giant headline in the Sunday Chicago Tribune that shouts: “Finding a job shouldn’t be work.” The full page ad goes on to say: “In print and online, search jobs when and where you want with the Chicago Tribune.”

I understand that the newspaper is encouraging readers to use its career services to find leads to jobs, but that isn’t the same thing as actually landing a new job. Landing one involves creating a comprehensive resume with everything spelled correctly, studying the company one is applying to, possibly applying for the position on line, and then passing the interview phase without a gaffe. This seems like work to me.

Even if the Tribune provides a list of jobs that need filling, that’s only the first step. The rest is really up to the applicant. At least it was when I was in the work force.

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In Comparison

Posted on October 25, 2011

Today I continued my battle with AT&T and conversed with Max, Aaron, and Larry. I’ll have an alphabet of first names by the time I’m done. And, of course, I learned that the order I’d placed on October 11, almost two weeks ago, hadn’t been fulfilled properly.

It didn’t surprise me, but it did make me mad. Especially when Max, Aaron, and Larry all started their spiel with, “Hi, I’m ___________, and my goal today is to make sure your are one hundred percent satisfied with my service.” Oh, please! I can’t even get the same answer from two people in a row!

In comparison, the fallboard (That’s the lid to the uninitiated.) of the piano I purchased from a small local company seven or eight years ago has a crack in the veneer. It isn’t a big thing, but since the piano cost more than my car I thought I’d call the store where I purchased it to see what could be done.

First, I actually got a human being on the line. Compare that with the communication giant called AT&T, where you fight to find a human to speak with. Second, I explained my problem to the man who had sold the piano to me several years ago. How often do you get the same salesperson with a telephone company? And finally, Dennis will fix the fallboard, no questions asked and no federal taxes extra, for free. He didn’t even check the warranty dates.

I’m not sure what the lesson is here. Big company vs. small entrepreneur? National company vs. local business? Tech company vs. creative endeavor? I only know the comparison was not lost on me.

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Corn Maze

Posted on October 23, 2011

Farmers around here extend the growing season by creating corn mazes in their fields and charging admission to city folk like me to enter them, wend their way around the various paths while avoiding dead ends, and come out the other end. Earl and I had never tried one until this weekend when we went to Barbott Farms Ultimate Corn Maze.

I fancy myself to be a fairly good map reader. When we travel, I’m usually the navigator, turning maps this way and that to get to our destination. Earl prefers a GPS, but if I’m along for the ride I want that role. So yesterday when we went to the corn maze, Earl said: “You be the pathfinder, I’ll follow.”

The map we were given (at a cost of fifty cents over and above the admission price) reminded me of those paper mazes you did as a child where you were supposed to stay in the white space between the two lines to complete the route. I used that logic as we entered the corn. In fact, I held onto that logic the entire afternoon which resulted in our being lost most of the time and not completing the course.

I learned as we were leaving that the two lines and not the white space between them represented the course. This seems like a little thing, but it obviously made a difference. My reputation as navigator had taken a hit, and I suspected that before long Earl would replace me with a GPS on our road trips.

However, this morning he said: “Let’s go back to the maze and try it again now that you understand how the map works.” I jumped at the chance to redeem my reputation, and we spent this afternoon back at Barbott’s. Fortunately I’d brought yesterday’s map with us, so we weren’t out another fifty cents.

This time I understood what to do and we marched through the muddy maze (It’s been raining here a lot.) in what I’d call record time. In fact, next year we’re thinking of having a party where our friends join us for the maze and then chili or something like that afterwards. Naturally I’ll want to preview the course before we organize this event, as I plan to be the ultimate pathfinder.

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Every Day Has Its Day

Posted on October 17, 2011

Recently I inadvertently learned that yesterday was National Dictionary Day and today is National Pasta Day. I’m not sure how these “holidays” came into being – whether organizations or people lobbied for them – but they did pique my interest. Does every day of the calendar year also recognize some group or movement?

I can’t say categorically for the entire calendar, but I did do a survey for October based on the link www.brownielocks.com. It was rather enlightening, and I’m sharing my enlightenment with you. Yes, every day in October honors at least one special cause, and many days honor multiple causes.

Let’s take October 1. It is also CD Player Day, Child Health Day, Fire Pup Day, International Day of Older Persons, Model T Day, National Lace Day, World Day of Bullying Preventing, World Habitat Day and World Vegetarian Day. So many choices, so little time.

October 2 is interesting because among its six “days” are Guardian Angels Day and International Day of Non-violence. Could these two combine into Guardian Angels Day of Non-violence? Probably not. Because then how could atheists who believe in non-violence but not in guardian angels celebrate?

The month continues, although I won’t belabor the point. Suffice to say that every single day in October has at least one special “day” attached to it. A couple made me laugh: National Kick Butt Day was October 8; so was National Pierogy Day. International Moment of Frustration Scream Day followed closely on October 12. Be Bald and Be Free Day arrived on October 14. But these are all in the past.

Here is what we have to look forward to in addition to Hallowe’en. World Menopause Day is tomorrow; Evaluate Your Life Day is the day after. Then there’s that Hallmark Card day, also called Sweetest Day, next Saturday. How convenient for taking your significant other to dinner. Reptile Awareness Day is Sunday. As long as your significant other isn’t a reptile, you won’t have to celebrate two days back to back.

Sourest Day is October 25; Cranky Co-workers Day is October 27. Why can’t these people get along and form one day between them? And let us not forget World Psoriasis Day on October 29 or Haunted Refrigerator Night on October 30. (I am NOT making any of this up.)

The thing is that this exercise has discouraged me from researching the rest of the year. There’s more here in the given thirty days than I want to know. So I have no need to explode on overload about days that honor hemorrhoids, adverbs, or strung popcorn. I prefer to remain ignorant and take each day as it comes.

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Closing Comments

Posted on October 14, 2011

I’m reminded of grade school where we were taught the five distinct parts of a letter. One was the complimentary closing (alliteration at its best). It could be “Sincerely,” “Best regards,” “Yours truly” or a myriad of equally benign statements letting the reader know you are signing off.

Nobody writes real pen-to-paper letters anymore, but we still encounter the complimentary closing everywhere. Today, I ran into its morphed existence at the local supermarket.

“Take care,” the bag boy said as he handed me my few groceries. He looked me in the eyes too.

Take care. I like the sound of that. It’s gentle and upbeat. It beats “Have a good one,” which always prompts me to mentally ask, “Have a good what?” After all, the pronoun ‘one’ doesn’t have an antecedent. (I know, I know. Nobody cares!) It also beats the weary “Have a nice day.” Or “See ya!” Or “So long.”

In fact, the next time I write a letter – regardless of whether it’s the snail mail or the email variety – I think I’ll use “Take care” as my complimentary close.

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The Worst

Posted on October 13, 2011

Earl and I drove into Chicago this afternoon to meet someone. Nothing unusual here. We’ve made the two hundred mile round-trip uncountable times. But what made this ride stressful were the weather and traffic conditions. Pounding rain, low visibility, a gazillion trucks, rush hour and accompanying slow down/speed up on the toll road.

It was ugly and got me to thinking about other times we’ve almost pulled off the road and waited things out. There was the rain storm last May when we drove to Denver. It was our first morning on the road, and we couldn’t even see the front end of our car as we navigated around Chicago toward I-80 in a rain that would have made Noah proud. Earl drove by instinct rather than skill.

Then there was the time we returned from Grand Rapids in an eerie fog. Again, it was instinct that guided us, since we couldn’t even see the fog line on the outside of the road. Earl tucked in behind a truck to follow its lights, and another car tucked in behind us. But, alas, the truck turned off and we became the leader. It was a sobering responsibility.

And the time we drove south in January to get away from winter’s clutches. Except that winter came with us; and, as we were closing in on Raleigh, North Carolina, we brought twelve inches of snow along for the ride. Miraculously, when we reached the exit we needed to take, the truck in front of us (Earl always believes in following behind trucks in cases such as this.) also exited and made grooves in the mounding snow for our car to follow. Had it not, we could still be digging out. Of course, once we left the highway and went the opposite way of the truck we were on our own to find my friends’ house. We did, but not before a variety of skids and slides and swoons.

I’m sure everyone has weather stories to tell, tales of frighteningly close calls and even accidents. For me, the worst scenario occurred about ten years ago when I lent my car to my son, so he could drive south. It was the same year the snow followed us to Raleigh. But Kevin hit a patch of black ice south of Champaign, Illinois, flipped the car, and came to rest upside-down on the road’s edge, wheels screaming at the sky. Had he not worn his seatbelt, there is no doubt that would have been the worst weather/driving day in my life. As it was, only the car needed help.

There is no moral or lesson here. Just some reminiscences that help put today in perspective. In the grand scheme, it was not the worst at all.

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How Many Does It Take?

Posted on October 12, 2011

There’s an old joke going around about how many folk singers or how many therapists it takes to change a light bulb. I have a new twist on it.

How many men does it take to fix an ailing driveway? I suppose it depends on whether the men are going to use concrete or stone or asphalt. Or maybe whether this is a job they’re being paid for or have to do because it wasn’t done properly in the first place. In our case, it’s the latter situation.

We’ve been waiting for the asphalt people to show up for months. Wednesday, they keep telling us. Next Wednesday. And, true to their word, they showed up last Wednesday and did the first layer to remedy the problem. They were about to go away when Earl stopped them and said, “The asphalt is an inch or so lower than the rest of the driveway.” “Oh, don’t worry, “the driver of the asphalt truck said. “We’ll be back next Wednesday for the second coat.”

Earl and I thought progress was being made. Today, again a Wednesday, three men showed up in a noisy truck that beeped incessantly as it backed into the work area. These were noises worthy of Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory and voices that were complaining about their wives. Our windows were open; we heard every word. For twenty minutes the three men examined the project, opened and closed the doors to the truck, and finally determined they didn’t have enough asphalt for this project. They climbed into the vehicle and drove away, leaving the one inch discrepancy in the ratio to the new asphalt vs. the old asphalt.

What struck me most was the motto emblazoned on the side of their truck: It said, “Asphalt: Paving the way to excellence.” What could Earl and I do but laugh? At the same time, this raises a serious question. How many men does it take to fix an ailing driveway. Apparently three are not enough.

And for the record, it takes four folksingers to change a light bulb, one to change the bulb and three to sing about it. As for the therapists, it only takes one . . . but the light bulb has got to WANT to change.

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Bad Experience

Posted on October 11, 2011

Yesterday I had a colonoscopy. For the uninformed, it’s a medical procedure that requires the patient not eat anything for twenty-four hours. It also requires other preparation that I’ll not detail here. The procedure itself takes about thirty-five minutes and is painless.

Today, I did battle (and I use the term correctly) with both Verizon and AT&T. Nobody can be uninformed about those two communication behemoths. I spent an hour and a half on the phone to move a phone line from one company to the other. It wasn’t lost on me that this took longer – and is still not resolved – than my colonoscopy.

Want to guess which was the more pleasant experience?

For the colonoscopy I interacted face-to-face with the nurse and the doctor. They attempted to put me at ease and seemed to know what they were doing. They were professional and to the point. For the phone problem, I interacted with Tatiana, Tamasha, Larry, Christie, Val, and Greg who disconnected me. Every one of them was pleasant to a fault, but ineffective to an equal fault.

In the grand scheme of things, you would think a phone problem would be chump change compared to a medical issue. But not so. In fact, as much as I dislike colonoscopies (This was my fifth.), I’d rather go hungry for twenty four hours than deal with the likes of Verizon and AT&T again.

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Wedding Time

Posted on September 17, 2011

This afternoon my son, Keith, and his partner, Chris, marry. They’ve been together fifteen years, so maybe someone might ask, “What will be different?”

I am in a position to answer. Last year, 2010, my partner of fifteen years and I also married. Secretly I wondered what might change. But with fifteen months under our communal belt, I can honestly say that being married is more intimate, gentler, more comforting, and certainly easier if one of us needs medical care. (At our age, this is a likely possibility!)

So what would I wish for Keith and Chris? Just that they experience the deepening of relationship that we did, that they recognize its power, and that they have fifteen plus fifteen plus fifteen years of married bliss together.

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September 11

Posted on September 16, 2011

I’ve been stewing about something since last weekend’s tenth anniversary of September 11. I told Earl, and he said I was probably the only person on the planet who thought this mattered. I was undeterred.

In fact, I wrote a letter to Time magazine expressing my concerns. Here it is, since it summarizes the problem.

Dear Time Magazine,
I’m confused and hope you can help. I’ve read your recent tribute to September 11, cover to cover, and am curious about the juxtaposition of the Arabic number nine and the Roman numerals for eleven, those being II.

The point is that the Roman numerals for eleven are XI, and II represents two. So what am I missing when I interpret your headline as September 2?

My husband says I’m the only one in the world who will quibble, but doesn’t this monumental event deserve grammatical accuracy? For those who abhor Arabs, the Roman numeral date is IX/XI. Or if we go with the numbers more commonly used in this country, wouldn’t it be 9/11. Please tell me where I’m wrong.

If anybody out there sees my point, please email me at anne@annebrandt.com. Otherwise, I guess Earl is right.

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