Posted on October 12, 2014
Who hasn’t said, “If I knew then what I know now, I’d have chosen differently.” However, the real question is: would those choices have made life better? Or worse?
This is the premise that two long-time friends explore in my ten-minute play, “20/20 Hindsight.” The Herald Palladium announced last week that it is among six works to be produced the first weekend in December at the Box Factory for the Arts in St. Joseph, MI.
Judith Thompson and I collaborated on this piece, and one thing is for sure. We wouldn’t have done anything differently on this project.
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Posted on October 9, 2014
Every time I post a new blog I check for spam on the back end of my website. From October 6 to October 8, the time lapse between recent blogs, I received 4986 spam messages. And my spam filter alerted me that it has caught 103,190 message altogether in the past couple years.
I only wish I could count them as visitors to my website; if I could, every literary agent would be interested in me as a client. Unfortunately, I’d then have to post all those comments on my website, and everyone else would see this was a sham.
That’s it: Spam is a sham or a scam. It also gives the real Spam® a bad name. Which it doesn’t need, even though I won’t eat it. In fact, why doesn’t the real Spam® sue?
There is a ton of information on the Internet about how spamming came into being, its marketing appeal, its financial logic, its annoyance factor. There is even information about how to block it. But in the end, like the cockroach, it seems destined to be with us for eternity.
See more 10 Minutes in category Annoyances, Technology
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Posted on October 8, 2014
If you’ve never had a colonoscopy and foresee that you never will, come back tomorrow when I’m writing about Spammers. But for those who might have a colonoscopy in their past and another in their future, I’m in your corner.
I am a veteran of six colonoscopies over 18 years. The good news is that the preparation for the procedure has gotten easier; the bad news is that easy is still a challenge.
Of course, you need to follow your doctor’s advice. But still, does he or she have firsthand experience with the little things? Like making clear to other family members which bathroom you’re claiming. Like not waiting to use a lubricant until the hemorrhoids show up. Like telling yourself you just need to get another day older.
Has your doctor tasted the gallon of solution you’re supposed to drink? Would he choose cherry or lemon-lime? I go with lemon-lime and gargle with mouthwash (preferably non-alcoholic type) after each glass of solution. It keeps your mouth from resisting the next glass.
I also prefer a fancy glass which goes in the freezer between drinks. Some people gulp the contents; not me. I don’t go so far as to pretend it’s a wonderful cocktail, but I do try to make the entire prep time as pleasant as possible under the circumstances.
As for your dining pleasure on that day, go with orange Jello® over green and whatever kind of broth – vegetarian, chicken, beef — you use for cooking. And keep telling yourself you could lose a pound or so in this deal.
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Posted on October 6, 2014
I find myself using the word ‘hate’ a lot recently. As in “I hate rain.” “I hate geese.” “I hate colonoscopies.” And I’ve experienced them all.
Still, I think I want to tone down the rhetoric, as ‘hate’ is a terrible thing. It’s overwhelming, vile. And not really indicative of my feelings.
I dislike rain intensely. It fuels depression, even though I know it’s good for the flowers and the farmers. I disdain geese because they are dirty, inconsiderate, and arrogant. They chase away ducks, poop everywhere, and peck on our front door, as if I owe them a meal. Would you want neighbors who did that?
Finally, colonoscopies. They’re not pleasant, but they do provide information as to what is going on in one’s insides. When you have a multi-generational history of colon cancer in your family DNA, as I do, it’s wise to swallow one’s distaste of the procedure.
But do I ‘hate’ these things? Not really. What I do hate is racism, sexism, age-ism, and anything that is violent or sadistic. So I’m retiring the word ‘hate’ from my common vocabulary and relegating it to the most heinous acts I hear about. I’m sure there will be no lack of use for the word
See more 10 Minutes in category Things to Ponder, Writing
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Posted on October 4, 2014
Kevin is at Sarello’s, a wonderful eating establishment in Fargo, and I am at home, the best place to be to chat with my son. He calls while nursing a glass of wine and a half hour or so before others join him.
I’ve learned that a call from Kevin isn’t a fleeting thing; like the fine wines he prefers, it requires time to savor. Our conversations wind around the paths of daily activities, how our lives ebb and flow, his teaching, my efforts at publishing, his running or recent lack thereof due to a fractured pelvis, my medical attempts to be cancer free.
Tonight we talked about our childhoods and the books we remember that relate to them. I recalled Laura Ingalls Wilder’s Little House series and Lucy M. Montgomery’s Anne of Green Gables series. He listed others that weren’t even written when I was young. But we both glommed onto Charlotte’s Web even though we’re different generations. We remembered how we reacted when Charlotte, that wonderful spider, died. E.B.White must have been part of our extended gene pool.
I always learn what Kevin’s doing, what he’s thinking and feeling. But we often veer into literature, and that’s where I become truly educated. I asked him who his favorite authors were; in true fashion, he said they were the ones he’s teaching now in his class on the absurd. Kafka and others I’m not familiar with. He doesn’t ask what my favorites are. After all, he’s the professor and is used to offering pronouncements. But I’m prone to interrupting.
For the record I’m currently advocating Richard Russo, a master of the small town dynamic, and Anita Shreve, who runs hot and cold but has the distinction of writing the only novel that was ruined by my habit of reading the last page first. Email me at anne@annebrandt.com if you want to know what book that was.
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Posted on October 3, 2014
It is the age of self-promotion; and I have joined the ranks of those who take selfies, flaunt their accomplishments on Facebook, and brag about their wonderful lives.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not an advocate. In fact, I’d rather live under the radar. But in this electronic age, one’s use of the Internet seems to define who one is. Particularly in the publishing world where agents want to know how many people follow you on social media.
So I’ve launched a campaign to become socially acceptable. I’m now LinkedIn, can Tweet, am available on Facebook, and belong to both Amazon’s and Good Read’s certifiable author pages.
The thing is all this takes so much time that I’m not blogging or writing with as much regularity. The other thing is that social media is about driving people to click on your website, but it doesn’t mean they’ve read anything.
From my perspective, it’s the tail wagging the dog.
See more 10 Minutes in category Changing Scene, Technology
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Posted on October 1, 2014
I am confused with the twenty-first century’s take on customer service. It seems to be an approach-avoidance kind of thing.
First, the approach. Nowadays if one has a face-to-face communication with a server or a clerk or a barista, there follows a list of questions aimed at making the experience personal. What kind of salad dressing do I want. On the salad or on the side? Do I want it first or with my entrée?
This morning a grocery check-out clerk wanted to know how my day was going so far (How does one really answer this appropriately?), if I found everything I wanted, and then commented on the firmness of the tomato and the size of canned Chinese veggies I bought. The barista at the same store wanted to know if I preferred dark chocolate, white chocolate, or milk chocolate in my mocha along with real whipped cream or the non-fat variety. The bank clerk wanted to know what my plans were for the evening and said, “Thanks, Anne” as I left.
I believe all this is an attempt to make each customer feel special. But do I need to feel special when I’m ordering coffee or making a deposit? Really?
At the same time, when I do have a particular issue and want to communicate with a human, there are a variety of hoops to jump through. Telephone menus are always being changed and the caller is encouraged to listen to the entire thing before making a selection. If I call the phone company or the cable company, I’m told I’ll get faster service by going to the website in question.
I already pay bills online and can apply for a mortgage, a credit card, or a club membership that way. I can make dinner, airline, and hotel reservations . . . and cancel them too.
The prevailing philosophy seems to be that real problems, like disputing a credit card charge or understanding an item on a bank statement, are resolved at arm’s length while the more mundane, like dark or light chocolate, has become the standard for what we see as customer service.
I think I’m becoming a curmudgeon with all this.
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Posted on September 28, 2014
High school reunions and college reunions are frequently noted in local newspapers, but there is seldom mention of one for grade school graduates.
Maybe it’s because elementary school is now further divided into early grades, middle grade, and junior high, etc. Maybe it’s because an eighth grade diploma is hardly the pinnacle of academic success anymore. And just maybe it’s because — as an old friend Bill Cunnea once said — childhood is a place we hurry through and then miss the rest of our lives.
My experience has proven to be different, because I just returned from the third annual reunion of St. Louis Cathedral’s grade school class of 1957. I wrote about the first two reunions (http://AnneBrandt.com/10min/potpourri/grade-school-reunion ) and (http://AnneBrandt.com/10min/potpourri/second-tome-around ) and was sure there was nothing left to say.
I was wrong. So I’ve just posted an essay about last week’s gathering in the Potpourri section of this website. Look in the category called “Essays.” It’s titled “Resolution.” (http://AnneBrandt.com/10min/potpourri/resolution)
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Posted on September 22, 2014
This time last year I was working at Fred Flare, the online retail store my son and his partner owned. And I was working with my assistant, E.
She arrived at our home today, just as she has every year in the past so we could work together, face-to-face. Only this time, it’s not about Fred. It’s about me. And it feels strange.
There are no stacks of paperwork around my office waiting for her to handle in Fred Flare’s name. There is no bookkeeping or research or payrolls to manage, because Fred Flare has been officially dissolved for almost six months. So why is E here?
She is helping me establish my “platform” for my writing career. (‘Career’ may be a stretch of the term.) Since Fred closed I’ve tried to edit some of my own creative work and want to send it to agents. But these days, you need a platform first.
I won’t go into details of what that means. Instead, suffice to say that E and I are building one so that more and more readers visit my website. In turn, those readers are potential book purchaser customers, which is what an agent is really interested in.
It seems literary merit is second in importance to the number of people who visit one’s website. It’s all about the clicks and not about the writing. I’m struggling with this, because clicks don’t necessarily mean anyone has read you. It just means you had your mini-seconds of fame.
See more 10 Minutes in category Changing Scene, Technology, Writing
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Posted on September 14, 2014
Ken Burns’ latest epic, “The Roosevelts” debuts this evening and runs for the next seven nights on PBS. I feel certain it will be as well done as his documentaries on jazz, the Civil War, and baseball.
Earl and I once saw Burns speak. He spoke very quickly so you had to pay close attention. There was no time for the mind to wander. He spoke a long time too, almost a little too long. But in the end, he brought his topic back to the beginning and wove a finely finished presentation. It was worth the ‘attention’ investment.
What I remember most, even though that speech was several years ago, was that Burns explained how he uses iconic symbols – people, music, sports – to present history in a palatable way for those of us who are not history buffs. You think you’re learning about the Roosevelts, but you’re really learning about a period in history that they were part of. You’re learning about the bigger picture and not just the family minutiae. It is Burns’ particular skill that he can keep you interested.
“The Roosevelts” runs for the next seven nights, and I am traveling four of them. But thanks to recording capabilities on our television set and Earl’s skill at it, I hope to see the entire fourteen hour offering. I know already it will be worthwhile. And I shall learn a lot in the deal too.
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