On June 24, 1979 I married Jeff Wolf, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, etc. It wasn’t done capriciously, because at the time I thought it was a good decision. However, time proved me wrong; the good decision lay in a divorce thirteen years further down the road.
Nevertheless, when June 24 comes around, it gives me pause to reminisce. It isn’t about a attachment to what was or an anger about what wasn’t; rather it’s about understanding why one makes certain decisions and an interest in how to learn from them.
What have I learned since June 24, 1979? For one thing, I’ve learned you can’t change someone, even if you think you can. For another, I’ve learned that — in spite of a Master’s Degree and a relative amount of intelligence — I make miserable decisions when it comes to the opposite sex. I’m taken with those things that make for a great date but not necessarily commitment material. That means I go for flash instead of faithfulness.
Jeff and I had good times, but even when we were married they were always in the realm of a date; when it came to meeting the mortgage payment or showing up at a parent/teacher conference we were frequently from different planets. When it came to play vs. work, we regularly stood on opposite sides of the playing field.
It’s often said that opposites attract, and I accept this as true. But the corollary that nobody mentions is “Opposites have difficulty living together.” I think this is what I learned, most of all, from my June 24 wedding.
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