Earl and I spent a long half-hour in the supermarket recently looking for Kitchen Bouquet®. A new recipe he wanted to try prompted this All Points Bulletin Search.
I’d heard of the product but had no idea whether it was a liquid, a powder, or solid. Did it come in a bottle? A jar? A tube? When we realized we were going into this blindly, we mapped our strategy.
“You check the condiment aisle,” I said, “while I’ll check the herbs and spices. We’ll meet back here at the shopping cart.” You’ll notice we didn’t consider asking for help, and that’s because men don’t ask for directions in public to get from Point A (Shopping Cart) to Point B (Item). In fact, that’s why they invented OnStar®.
The Kitchen Bouquet® was elusive, and the more I searched the more I became convinced we could make the recipe without it. (This is one of my pet peeves: a new recipe calls for one-quarter of a teaspoon of liquid smoke or a teaspoon of authentic almond extract or a tablespoon of capers. The remaining amounts age on your shelf because you probably won’t make that recipe again for at least another year.)
When Earl and I met at the shopping cart, both empty-handed, I said, “This is nuts. Let’s just eliminate the Kitchen Bouquet ® and call it a day. We’re supposed to cook a rump roast ten hours in a slow cooker. Surely the Kitchen Bouquet® isn’t the sole secret to its success.”
“No,” said Earl, his jaw reacting as if we were calling off a search for a missing child. “We’ll never know how it would taste with the Kitchen Bouquet® if we eliminate it.”
“But it could be just as good,” I countered.
“No, you get in the check-out line. I’m going to ask for help.”
I was so stunned at his comment that I did as I was told. And before the checker had finished ringing up our order, Earl, sleuth that he is, arrived with the Kitchen Bouquet®.
I guess we’ll never know how the recipe will taste without it.
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