This morning Earl sent me something he read on Facebook. It made me think of the song “Short People,” written by Randy Newman and released in 1977. It’s a snarky tune about the so-called unappealing characteristics of short people.
Verse 2 includes these lines:
“They got little baby legs, they stand so low
You got to pick ’em up just to say hello
They got little cars that go beep, beep, beep
They got little voices goin’ peep, peep, peep”
Many people saw the song for what it was: satire. But others took it literally. In 2017 Newman told Rolling Stone, “The guy in that song is crazy. He was not to be believed.”
As a certified short person, I wasn’t particularly offended, because being short has had its advantages. In school I was always in the front row. At spectator events – like a Fourth of July parade – people let me stand with the kids. And in the dating scene there was never a worry about being taller than the guy.
Yes, I have trouble buying a car, because my little baby legs don’t reach the gas pedal in some models. Those baby legs and feet had trouble buying shoes too, until I learned that children’s shoes fit me. And according to Michigan law, I have only three inches to spare before being required to sit in a booster seat to go to the store.
So what did Earl send that made me blog about being short? It was part of an essay written last year by Mara Altman who noted:
“Short people consume less food, require less clothing material, and a larger number of us can fit on earth. We’re basically eco-friendly, sustainable humans.”
Shades of Randy Newman! Only she was serious.
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