There must be some axiom somewhere that says “If it’s simple, then tamper with it until it’s complicated.” Maybe Ben Franklin went out kite-flying under this principle and discovered electricity. Maybe Bill Gates did the same thing with the lowly typewriter, and look where it’s taken us.
Now comes that simple invention: the toothbrush. I’m not sure when the first one was invented, but I’ve been using one ever since I acquired teeth. That and toothpaste and dental floss have been my standard clean-my-teeth-so-I-can-smile-without-a-blade-of-lettuce-inadvertently-lurking ritual. At night I do the clean-my-teeth-so-I-won’t-snack-after dinner ritual too.
I had it down pat and wasn’t at all interested in improving the process, but Earl didn’t see it that way. Last week he brought home the successor to the toothbrush. It’s called a Philips Sonicare® Intelliclean System; and, believe me, you need an advanced engineering degree to use it.
The Sonicare® comes with assembly instructions, a special charger, its own toothpaste (Obviously we had to take the simple tube and improve on that too.), and a user’s manual. It has nineteen parts and its own travel case. There is also a customer service support department in case further assistance is needed.
Once Earl assembled the toothbrush (which took a while), we both had an inaugural test brushing. The electric bristles (I guess you call them that) whirred around at sonic speed (31,000 strokes per minute according to the manufacturer), emitting toothpaste on their own and spraying the entire sink with blue Crest®. I think you need to close your lips around the head of the brush and move it over your teeth in a clenched mouth fashion to avoid the spotted look to your clothing too. Either that or brush your teeth in the nude.
Left to my own devices, I always brushed until I felt like stopping. But this toothbrush has its own timer, preset for two minutes since that is the conventional wisdom regarding the length of time one must brush one’s teeth for the full effect. In addition, a beep occurs every thirty seconds to tell you to move the toothbrush to another part of your mouth. It’s called the Quadpacer feature, and it assumes you divide your teeth into four sections and brush each section for the same amount of time. Now that’s scientific!
Did I like the experience? No. It felt as if my mouth were being sandblasted by something better suited for Mount Rushmore. But in all fairness, I must admit my teeth felt smooth and clean when the ordeal was over. Then I cleaned the brush head, the brush head collar, and the colored ring before setting the Sonicare® into its charger. By the way, the charger has an integrated cord wrap.
Frankly this is just too high tech for me. I don’t want to worry about my charger level indicator or the liquid toothpaste dispensing pump mechanism or the dual speed control button. I guess I’m just single speed when it comes to gadgets. So, most likely, when the novelty wears off or the battery wears out, I’ll return to my tried and true method.
Leave a Reply