It’s probably a sign of my age, but whenever I see children in public these days they seem quite unruly. For instance, Earl and I dined at a local establishment a while back, where we saw youngsters running around while the parents chatted, apparently oblivious.
We were also in a different restaurant at another time and saw the following sign: “Unattended children will be given an espresso and a free puppy.” I loved the admonition, although my own experience is that this annoys parents.
Case in point: Years ago I co-owned a balloon store. Now, I’m not a retail personality to begin with. But I tolerated the axiom that the customer was always right . . . except when misbehaving children were involved. After all, children love balloons, so coming into our shop was a treat. The thing is, the parent involved often did little to discipline an unruly offspring. Popped balloons, misplaced merchandise, and finger marks on walls and glass counters were frequently the result.
So I put up a sign that read: “Unattended children will be filled with helium and released outside.” I thought it was a funny way of making a point. But our customers were not amused. They let me know.
Currently the online company I work for is in the process of opening a bricks and mortar retail store, and the old problem of children in a store is haunting me. I went online to see if there were any ready-made signs for the occasion. The only one I read said: “Children left unattended and running will be towed at the owner’s expense.”
Since the towing reference isn’t quite right for our new situation, I’ve been working on something that is. So far I’ve come up with: “Unattended children will be put to work in our warehouse for the duration of the holiday season.” But this seems too long.
Maybe: “Unattended children will be given the loudest item we have in our stock as a gift.” Or, more to the point, “Unattended children are not welcome.” That tells it like it really is.
Leave a Reply