Ten minutes to write. Less time to read.

If you think this essay is going to be about football, then don’t read any further. You’ll be wasting your time.

Sacking 101 is a course I’d like to see supermarkets offer their employees, especially those who stand at the ends of the checkout lines and put the groceries into paper bags or plastic sacks.

Case in point: Yesterday I went to the grocery store and bought 21 items, including such small items as tuna and cheese. The largest items were the half gallon of milk and the ten pound turkey. While loading my trunk, I counted the number of plastic bags needed to hold my purchases. How many do you think?

The milk was alone in its own sack. So were the extra coat hangers I’d bought, and the box of stuffing mix. The tuna, all two cans, shared with a banana. And so on. Ultimately, it took ten plastic bags to hold the 21 items.

Perhaps I looked frail, and the person who bagged my groceries didn’t want me to collapse under their load. But I’m the sort of the person who wants to make as few trips from the garage to the kitchen as possible. I’m also the sort of person who doesn’t want a lot of extra plastic to dispose of.

Once upon a time, there was no choice but paper sacks with flat bottoms. Those who filled them seemed to know a system whereby heavier items like tomato sauce and canned corn went in the bottom while lettuce and grapes went on top. Cereal and pasta made good bottom fillers too. Somehow, grocery employees figured this out, which is why I’m suggesting that Sacking 101 be updated. I’m sure my hangers, stuffing, tuna, cheese, and banana would be willing to ride home from the store together. I’m equally sure I could manage the collective weight of them in one sack.